{Reality Check} List

I decided to make a Reality Check List to keep myself in check when I am freaking out. It's so easy to lose sight of God's truths and the reality of our lives. I will be adding to list during the next 6 months, probably mostly in the form of listing things to be thankful for, as inspired by Ann Voskamp's "One Thousand Gifts." But for now, I will keep this list visible and with me at all times. 

{Reality Check} List:

• God loves me & I am forgiven.
• God has His best in mind for me.
• I have the most amazing husband.
• Faith is my good-hearted, wonderful little girl.
• Charlie brings me constant joy.
• Eating more chocolate will NOT make me feel better.
• My family and friends do care about me.
• Everything is for a season.
• Worrying will not make anything better.
• My body is God's temple; sacrifice it to Him.
• It's not worth it to get mad at Faith.
• I can enjoy time.
• There is always so much to be thankful for. List 3 things right now.
• My hurting heart will feel better, and this pain will end.
• Write a song about it! ♪♫♫♪♪
• I am excited to see what God wants to teach me through this deployment.

Jiggly Buns and Jelly Bellys

So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27
Walking around Grand Fork's dinky little mall yesterday gave me enough of an ego-boost (not) to last for the whole month! Before going to the mall, Eric and I made little personalized Jelly Belly bags at Target and excitedly ate some of them at the mall. 

I admit, I've always had "issues" with my body image, and being 6 feet tall only amplified things. Praise God I never developed an eating disorder. I have overcome being the giant, and I am overall very happy with myself.

Is it enough that my loving husband says he thinks I'm hot and that I drive him crazy?

So here I am, pushing my baby stroller while walking with Charlie actually in my Sleepy Wrap on my body. Baby #2. I've grown, carried, and pushed two whole post-term babies out of my body! What?! When you really think about that, it will blow your mind. Up I roll to Victoria's Secret, with the way larger-than-life-sized images of super models filling the windows. Oh, to have a tiny body and sexy legs and stomach like her! And that perfect hair and perfect make-up! I reach into the bag of Jelly Bellys and grab a few extras in a humpf! Yeah, bring on the candy, because I'll never look like that!

I don't watch cable. I don't read magazines. I'm not really exposed to too much advertisement. I do, however, receive Victoria's Secret catalogs at home because I love their clothing, so that's about the extent of hot, sexy models that I see. 

It is SO hard to remember the truth when a 12-ft, half-naked woman is enticing you to think that you should be something different, something that you will never, ever be. We look at her and think, "Why shouldn't I look like her? Why can't I look like her? I WANT to look like her!" I've been working out and losing weight consistently since Charlie was 4 weeks old. All those cookies I ate during pregnancy have been slowly melting away, but somehow, when I look at those models, it's like someone slapped 'em right back on my thighs. WHY IS THIS??? How can something so positive be turned into something so negative? 

I believe we should be a healthy weight so we can function at our best, and hopefully live a longer, fuller life. Exercise is great because it makes you feel good and keeps your body in great working condition. I think it's fine to tone and shape your body, but without going over-board. I will ALWAYS be able to jiggle my buns and get a great laugh! I have a goal, and I'm certain I will reach that. My goal WILL NOT be to look like one of "them."

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. 1Cor 6:19-20

I need to re-train my thinking into something else, something from God's perspective. But how? How can I when all we see are false, unattainable images of what we should try to look like? I really, sincerely wish marketing would be realistic and use average women, but that will never happen, so I have to change my frame of mind. 

In Eric's words, pointing to me: "This is what a woman looks like."

Thank you. Thank you for breathing truth back into my soul.

Housewife? My life?

Good afternoon!

I am sitting here inside my wonderful home with the bright, warm sun shining in on me through the window. I am so thankful for the sun and all that it brings. Last night was into the -40's, but it's slowly starting to warm up above zero now. 

Do you know the feeling when you feel God working in your heart and you can't really control it or stop it? Not that you'd want to stop it, especially when it's a great thing. I know God has been changing my heart because the feelings and thoughts I have inside are nothing that I could have ever forced myself to experience. I have actually ENJOYED cleaning and organizing and cooking this week. This is a HUGE step for me because I have not embraced any of this until now. Eric and I have had some pretty interesting conversations over the last few weeks, spurred on by the book, "Love and Respect," and our home group from church. Just two weeks ago I was throwing my own version of a fit and stomping my feet because I thought, Is this what my life has come to? All I'm supposed to do is take care of the kids, clean, cook, clean some more, and then clean some more? 

My flesh was crying out in tones of laziness like I had never heard before. I would describe myself as a lazy person sometimes, and that is not a good quality to possess. I have relied on my amazing husband to do too much around here, because he just gives and gives and serves his little heart out. People like me have the tendency to let those with servant's hearts take over while we sit back and come up with excuses in our heads why we can't lift a finger. I'm holding the baby; I already did some work today; I just want to relax; You haven't been at home all day dealing with the things I have... and of course the list goes on and on. 

Prayer is a powerful thing. I have been praying that God would change my attitude toward being a stay-at-home mom and all the glorious duties that come along with it. Why am I SURPRISED when I suddenly recognize that God has answered my prayer? This week has been nothing less than wonderful and productive. I never knew how much it meant to my husband to come home after work to not have to see the dishes that HE created while cooking a fabulous meal for ME and my daughter at lunch time. What have I been doing the last three years? Sitting around on my lazy butt? Of course, I cooked and cleaned and all that jazz, but I did it while muttering under my breath. 

I am so excited to embrace this next phase of my life where I know God has called me to learn how to cook delicious meals, keep the house more organized, and enjoy taking care of and disciplining my children. It has given me so much joy this week to keep things in order and experiment with different meals. I know there is more to life than keeping a clean home, and it's not about being the perfect Stepford wife. What it IS about is honoring my husband's hard work by working just as hard at home. And who knew that the more I put into it the more I would get out of it?? 

Oh, and my little Charlie continues to melt my heart each day. And as for my "difficult toddler," she has turned a new corner as she self-professes: "But I WANT to be a good girl, Mommy!" Praise the Lord that we are finally starting to see the bud of winning her heart. That phrase used to kind of trip me out, but it actually makes perfect sense.

Oh Charlie

I never knew my love could increase this much. I never knew I had these kind of feelings inside of me. My little baby boy is perfect, sweet, loving, smiley, and oh so yummy. I thank God for him every day, and the joy he brings in my life. When things are going wrong, or I'm feeling stressed out or angry, one enormous smile from Charlie makes everything else melt away. God is so amazing and good to us to give us the gift and blessing of our children. 

I wouldn't mind if Charlie stayed a baby forever, just looking at me with those perfect eyes. No one else looks at me the way Charlie does. Faith did, at one point, before I had a chance to ever yell at her or hurt her feelings. Charlie's the only one who doesn't judge me. Not that I feel people are judging me all the time, haha, but I'm just saying that it's a special feeling knowing that someone relies on you, thinks the world of you, and has never been hurt by you. 

Now I know why there is a special bond between Faith and her Daddy. And I'm thankful for that just as much as I am for my special bond with little Charlie. 

I should probably be cleaning up or doing something productive around the house, but sitting here at the computer nursing Charlie is one of my favorite things to do. He falls asleep, and I get to hold him still. I'm trying to soak up every last minute of him being a baby because it seriously goes by way too quickly. I hardly remember those moments with Faith with much clarity anymore. He will never be this small again, and neither will Faith, which is why I have to force myself to stop and remember that about her, as well.

Helloo blog world.

So, umm, I can't believe I finally have a blog. Part of me feels silly, and part of me feels excited. Why not, right? Why not start a blog! Now I can share all kinds of opinions and not feel like I'm pressing them on anybody by writing on facebook. Actually, I probably won't have much time to spend on here since I have two little ones at home with me all the time.I wonder who will ever even read this? 

I'm starting a new Bible study called "Tour of Duty," by Sara Horn. I am super stoked about starting this particular one because it is an online study with the author and over 100 other women. In a few weeks, I am going to start this same study on base here. Maybe it will be cool to share my thoughts on deployment and being a military wife. 

"Love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength."